Ask Alison: I Can’t Cum!


Hi Alison,

I have a question for you.
I’m a 30 year old male and I’ve never ejaculated during intercourse or a blowjob. Maybe this is normal but I don’ t hear a lot of people complaining about it. I can fuck for as long as I want and sometimes I feel kind of close but I never make it that far. At best I can fuck a lot and then my girl friend has to jerk me off but even that’s hard. Could it be I’ve masturbated too much in life? I started when I was 13 and jerked it quite a lot between now and then but I doubt that is uncommon. There are lots of products out that to help a man stay hard or not to cum but is there anything out there to help a guy like me cum easier?

Thanks and I look forward to a response,
MisterG



Hi MisterG,

As a woman, I can relate. But your situation isn’t as uncommon among men as you might think. Chances are, you’ve been masturbating the same way all these years and you’ve gotten used to coming in that one particular way. If you tend to grip yourself pretty tightly while you masturbate, that can exacerbate the problem.

If you want to be able to come from fucking/blowjobs/handjobs, it’s going to take some serious work. Essentially, you have to re-train your dick. It only wants to come in the way it’s used to. You have to get it used to completely different stimulation.

How do you do this? You have to change your routine. If you have a tight grip, you’re going to have to start masturbating with a much lighter touch. Switch up the way you’re doing things – use a different grip, lie or sit a different way, etc.

And you have to stick to it. Which means that if you can’t come with a lighter/different touch, then you don’t come. You can’t revert to your old method. It might take some time, but it’s really the only way to fix the habits you’ve formed over the years.

A final word on this: if you really want to change this, by all means, do so. But not being able to come easily doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with you. So don’t feel pressure to come in a “normal” way if how you’re doing things now works for you. Everyone is different, especially when it comes to sex.

Take care,
Alison

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15 Responses to “Ask Alison: I Can’t Cum!”

  1. VERUS Says:

    I have the same thing, it’s not a problem, but rather a gift. threesomes are a snap, and if you fuck the right girls, who know what a man wants, you’ll come whenever you want. V

  2. wcfields Says:

    @VERUS – Threesomes are always a snap. It’s getting there that’s the issue. I know exactly what to do with two girls, but you got any tips on finding the right two?

  3. Bronty Says:

    Welcome to the club, and I mean that in a good way. It’s an exclusive club, and some guys would sell their toes to be a member.

    Everyone has their own method for cumming. Mine:

    - Defocus mentally and defocus/relax the eyes
    - Move legs at hips and knees. This releases tension in the area.
    - Fuck super slow.

    I don’t think beating off ‘too much’ has anything to do with it. Zero.

    I agree with Alison. Beating off can actually HELP you cum easier. I would suggest beating off as normal but in a difficult body position. I used to practise beating off while standing up—that’s hard for me to do. You could also switch hands. Or, try beating off on all fours—-or whatever, but make it well out of the ordinary. The body position is a very important factor to work on. Get used to various positions. Also, don’t try any of this unless you’re feeling ready to explode. If it feels like work, don’t do it—it’s counter-productive.

    In the end, you won’t simply cum quicker. What you’ll actually have is more CONTROL. You can cum when you want and how you want.

    My wife loves me for it, and so did every girlfriend who came before.

  4. Luke Wilson Says:

    Stick it up her arse – simple.

  5. handjob lady Says:

    #1 Call Loveline! (Too late now?) Dr. Drew was always great (or nice) but Adam was better & more real. Haven’t listened in years.
    #2 Buy a Fleshlight. They’re great. I think they kind of sell themselves ’cause guys are lonely or the other side being that they might cum too quickly but you can still learn from them I’m sure if you can’t cum w/ your lady.

    Oh, and I can get off w/ with both hands like Bronty was saying. It’s really not that hard if you’ve ever been afflicted w/ a broken bone. You kind of have to learn how to then.

  6. ropeadope Says:

    lol, Alison is like the Dr. Ruth of the internet. Great advice, love the Ask Alison feature.

  7. Experienced Hand Says:

    I’ve had the same ?problem? It really frustrates my girl who like to swallow, but what i found helps, cut back the wackin or use a “pocket pussy” or some other such thing. This goes in line with the softer touch. it’ll take some getting used to but when smooth velvet becomes all your dick knows it’ll be poppin in no time, then it just becomes a matter of figuring out how often to hit the hand to still maintain longevity but still make your fellow go.

  8. chainsawbeer Says:

    I’m in the exact same boat, with the exception that I can get off from oral. I can have ordinary intercourse for an hour to 90 minutes without orgasming. My girl enjoys the fact that I last longer than the proverbial 5-pump-chump but after 45 minutes or more, the genital piercings I have go from being a pleasurable addition to excess friction, so we have a pretty set routine, that thanks to changing position, duration, etc doesnt get boring. Get her off orally, “normal” sex for as long as we’re both into it, then 15-20 minutes of oral and I’m off like a rocket. I don’t think we’ll ever get to experience that mythical simultaneous orgasm that most couples seem to be after, but the statistic for women who don’t orgasm during intercourse is something along the lines of 80%, so it’s not likely anyways it would seem.

  9. ANALHATER Says:

    HI ALISON ,I HAVE BEEN WATCHING FLOWER TUCCI OVER THE WEEKEND IN ‘FROM MY ARSE TO MY MOUTH ‘ SHE WAS ENJOYING HERSELF ON SOME YELLOW COLOURED STEPS . IT WAS MAGNIFICENT !
    WHEN I TRIED TO ACCESS THE VID AGAIM THIS MORNING IT DISAPPEARED ALONG WITH THE REFERENCE TO RECENTLY VIEWED SCENES . IS THERE ANYTHING YOU COULD DO TO GET IT BACK PLEASE DARLING .

  10. ANALHATER Says:

    HI ALISON ,I HAVE BEEN WATCHING FLOWER TUCCI OVER THE WEEKEND IN ‘FROM MY ARSE TO MY MOUTH ‘ SHE WAS ENJOYING HERSELF ON SOME YELLOW COLOURED STEPS . IT WAS MAGNIFICENT !
    WHEN I TRIED TO ACCESS THE VID AGAIN THIS MORNING IT DISAPPEARED ALONG WITH THE REFERENCE TO RECENTLY VIEWED SCENES . IS THERE ANYTHING YOU COULD DO TO GET IT BACK PLEASE DARLING .

  11. FreakSpead Says:

    What if we have questions for ‘Ask Allison’ where do we email those?

  12. R Says:

    I waited awhile longer than most to become sexually active, and I had this problem, too. I agree with most of what Alison is saying.

    I was able to overcome it by not masturbating for a long period of time–to the point where I “had” to (3-7 days)–and then using lighter touches to finish. I made this my primary technique instead of the hard grip that I used to have. After a number of times doing this, I found myself more and more easily reaching the point of ejaculation with my partner.

    Along with this, I reduced the frequency of masturbating and relied more on the sex that I was having.

    If you have a big build-up (again 3-7 days) when you go into sex–depending on how often you’re getting it–I think that you will find it much easier to come, as well.

    I used to be in exactly your same boat–but it didn’t take more than a month or two to get over it.

  13. TotemMarsh Says:

    Yeah, I’ve got this problem as well, and, believe me, it ain’t a party, that’s for sure. If anybody’s interested, I found this forum that has a ton of info on the condition:

    http://www.psychforums.com/viewtopic.php?t=1796

  14. porter Says:

    i’ve struggled with the same thing my whole life, and this is one of the 1st times i’ve seen it talked about. I’ve talked to a few doctors too. All seem to basically shrug off my concern. And saying it’s a gift, is not that accurate. Most girls get a little tired if you want to just keep pumping them over 30 or 45 minutes straight. (we can’t always be banging porn stars). The only thing that made a big difference for me was when i took anabolic steroids. I found out that my natural testosterone levels were quite below normal, and when i jacked them above normal then i was able to come quickly up to like 4 times a day it was fucking amazing and great. But i’ve stopped doing them due to bad heart conditions in my family. Anyway, good luck.

  15. nurtles Says:

    Actually If you never ejaculate you have a significantly higher risk of getting prostate/testicle cancer. Go for a check.
    Moreover not being able to cum can be directly related to already having a enlarged prostate. I’d strongly advise you to get to an urologist and let em check if your prostate and balls are okay.

    Second there are things like the Rude Boy that work as prostate vibrators you can stick up your poophole to stimulate your prostate to get a harder orgasm with more liquids flowing ( or none depending on how hard your stimulating ;-) ). So maybe that’s working for you.