How Much Porn Are You Willing To Be Caught Dead With?

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In a memorable scene from HBO’s Curb Your Enthusiasm series (Porno Gil – Season 1 – Episode 3), Jeff, who has been hospitalized and is awaiting emergency bypass surgery, makes a request of Larry. Jeff wants Larry to get to his secret porn stash and clear it out of the house before any family members make the discovery. Should Jeff not survive the operation, he doesn’t want his wife, daughter, or parents to stumble across his XXX collection of books, magazines, video cassettes, CD’s, DVD’s, hard drives, flash drives, etc.

In this poll, please select the answer that best fits your approach to death and porn. I believe it’s human nature to think we have an infinite amount of time to make the necessary arrangements. But what if you’re hit by a bus or struck by lightning? Beyond the poll, please leave a comment if you have any ideas to pass along for best hiding places, best removal strategies, or any other tips to insure your porn stash remains undiscovered.

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What Is Your Strategy Regarding Death and Porn?

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21 Responses to “How Much Porn Are You Willing To Be Caught Dead With?”

  1. DP Says:

    My wife knows about my extensive porn collection and doesn’t mind. It would be tough to hide it unless I rented a storage locker anyways.

  2. numbles Says:

    Well this is more an american stigma thing I guess. Id not care and my relatives wouldn’t care either with how much porn I would be found with.

  3. CORRY20 Says:

    I have hard drives filled with porn.I will be dead so I don’t think I will care.

  4. Mister Handy Says:

    Anyone who knows me personally and not just professionally (heck, even some of the purely professional ones) knows I’m into porn. It’s kind of a running joke.

    My wife has instructions to offer it to my (real) brothers, and anything they don’t want goes into a box to be mailed anonymously to my old fraternity.

  5. thirdeye Says:

    close to 2.5 terabytes on 4 diff hard drives hidden away — except everyone I know steals my porn all the time and so already know of my stash. In fact… im going to enjoy watching my friends from heaven, argue over who gets the stash in the end.

  6. content dude Says:

    Good one Rope. Videobox is my porn collection.

    BTW – There is another Curb Your Enthusiasm episode in which Jeff and Larry watch a Girls Gone Wild type of tape and get caught. Very funny show.

  7. MikhailT Says:

    The problem is not the regular porn but the ..sick shit that we all have in our collection that we really don’t want anybody to know. I know some of you know what I’m talking about. The kind of porn where we actually rename the file name and folder to something boring, like blondes talking with clothing on or hide in the massive confusing folder organization structure hoping that nobody will ever get there.

    ‘hey look at that, blondes talking with their clothing on, that is sooo boring…im curious why he has it,” *double clicks* “….OMG!!!!!! that has to be fake crap right…..oMG SHE’S EATING IT…EEEEEW” *throws up and dies from choking on the vomit*.

  8. fu_q2 Says:

    My porn collection will be a family heirloom — passed down from one generation to the next.

    :)

  9. Fluuke Says:

    I say screw it, I’m dead but those who care check http://www.deathswitch.com

  10. HotScooter2 Says:

    Rope:

    are you doing this blog in preparation for your next aspril fools chicanery or what ?
    i definitely don’t care what is done with my porn after i’m gone

  11. doppyman Says:

    I figure I’ll be dead and that would be that. There would be one good reason to make arrangements, however. I would love to be able to will my collection on to those who would enjoy it, but it’s still stigmatized to such a degree that that would be hard to do without putting the recipient(s) in an embarrassing situation. I know my buddies would enjoy it, and I have, at times, made DVDs for some of them, but transferring any larger amount to married guys or young guys who still live at home would be problematic.

  12. numbles Says:

    @MikhailT about the embarrassing sick things
    Isn’t that what they invented Truecrypt for?

  13. microphone Says:

    content dude has it right. Unless people go through my credit card records and figure out what CCBill sold me, they won’t know anything about my porn. It is actually a great reason for being a member at a premium site, knowing that the collection stays and won’t be deleted as it is from most free sites.

  14. ropeadope Says:

    @ DP – That’s an understanding wife. I was surprised to read on Wikipedia that one in ten U.S. households are currently renting self storage units. The most popular sizes range from 5′ x 10′ to 20′ x 20′. Could fit a lot of porn in that space. A couple of potential negatives are you’re generally prohibited from sleeping or living in the quarters, and if you miss a monthly payment, your belongings can be sold off at auction. That would be a tough way to lose your collection.

    @ numbles – Yes, I believe the U. S. is behind most of Europe in championing a liberal attitude toward matters of a sexual nature.

    @ CORRY20 – That seems to be the prevailing mindset of the membership in the poll thus far.

    @ Mister Handy – I like those arrangements. Raises the principles of recycling to a new level. If a package is sent to the fraternity (assuming your brothers don’t take all), I hope there are no anthrax concerns at that point in time. Can you picture it? Hey Dean, we just received this anonymous package. We weren’t expecting anything. I think we should turn it over to the authorities for safe opening.

    @ thirdeye – Lol, I guess the first one to get to the goods will be the new owner. Similar to the premise of It’s a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World. Hey, did you hear thirdeye kicked the bucket? What are we waiting for? Let’s get to his stash.

    @ The Content Dude – Thank you. So in a manner of speaking, you do take your work home with you. Yes, I remember the Girls Gone Wild tape. If I recall correctly, Larry saw the advertisement on late night television and ordered it over the phone. But he didn’t want the tape sent to his home, so he had it sent to his office. That led to a problem with his secretary. When Jeff and Larry finally view the tape, Jeff’s dog escapes from the house. This leads to a series of additional misadventures. Funny episode and funny show as a whole.

    @ MikhailT – Lol, those are the clips that can ruin a great reputation built up over the course of an entire lifetime. Your illustration makes for a good rule of thumb. If you need to rename the file / folder and bury it within and amongst a hundred other folders, probably best to delete the file and no longer have it on your computer.

    @ fu_q2 – Nice, making it part of the estate. You may consider gifting it over a period of years to avoid those pesky estate taxes.

    @ Fluuke – Excellent idea, I had no clue such a service was available.

    @ HotScooter2 – No connection to the next April Fool’s post. We still have about eight months to go before figuring that one out. May be difficult to top the last April Fool’s post. What do I do as an encore to my own death?

    @ doppyman – To avoid placing that stigma upon the potential recipients, why not consider taking it with you? Nobody knows what (if anything) comes next. Sure, maybe we die and that’s the end of it. Or maybe the world we’re currently inhabiting is just one stage in a grander scheme of events. Possibly we wind up in a different universe or a different dimension of this universe. The welcoming committee might say to us, anything you brought along, you get to keep.

    @ numbles – Not familiar with Truecrypt. By the name, I’m assuming it’s an encryption program?

    @ microphone – That’s correct 99.99% of the time. I’m still trying to figure out what happened to the DVD Face Fucking Inc. #1 from Evil Angel. I downloaded four scenes of the nine scene movie. Came back the next day to grab the remaining five scenes and couldn’t locate the DVD. Nor have I seen it since. Two of the scenes I failed to get feature Sasha Grey and Bobbi Star. So I plan to continue searching for some time to come.

  15. doppyman Says:

    I want to be cremated. At one time, I wanted my buddies to bong the ashes, but now I’d settle for an urn between those of my favorite late departed cats. So, taking it with me would mean destroying the collection. Well, whatever happens, I haven’t worried about going to heaven since hearing a song about a sailor who wanted to go to hell …. since that’s where the whores go.

  16. numbles Says:

    @ropeadope
    Yes, it comes free of charge, is open-source, very easy and simple to use and very handy for encrypting complete harddisks or only parts of it. Very cool if you have sth. to hide :-)
    http://www.truecrypt.org/

  17. Mister Handy Says:

    *LOL* Good point. Guess it should go under the fake name we used to run for student council :)

    Truecrypt is a free/open source and generally well-regarded encryption program for Windows/Linux (maybe Mac, too, dunno.) It can do either encrypted volumes or encrypting the whole bootable drive.

  18. TheBranchise Says:

    It’s just me and my wife in my house. We’re in our early 20s, so it doesn’t really matter since we see it together anyways.

  19. ropeadope Says:

    @ doppyman – Hell is for sailors and whores? I heard Hell is for children (Pat Benatar). These contradictions never end.

    @ numbles – Thank you for the explanation and link for truecrypt.

    @ Mister Handy – Fake name for student council? Wasn’t that Heywood Jablome? Or was it Mike Hunt? Thank you for the truecrypt details.

    @ TheBranchise – You got many, many decades ahead of you and a good soulmate to spend them with. Good deal.

  20. Andy Smith Says:

    My best mate Nick and I huge Curb fans, so after seeing that one I asked Nick to make the necessary arrangements. I won’t care at the time, obviously, because I’ll be dead (and not “just sleeping” either). But I wouldn’t want my old Mum to think less of me (if that’s possible), or to have to go through a pile of DVDs with pretty shocking covers (she’s a lady dontcha know).

  21. ropeadope Says:

    @ Andy Smith – Excellent planning, sounds like you got all the bases covered. Unless Nick departs before you. Still, you’re ahead of most in this department.

    Get ready for new Curb episodes. Season 7 begins 9/20/09 on HBO.