Alison’s Guide to Bringing Porn Into Your Relationship

Are you in a relationship? Do you wish you could share your VB membership with your significant other, but aren’t sure how to introduce it? Porn, by its nature, is a pretty charged subject. In a relationship, it can be a minefield – but it can also be a great way to bond with your partner and take your sexual relationship to a new level. In this post, I’ll give you a few pointers for avoiding the mines and maybe even discovering a new way to connect with your partner (who I’ll be referring to as a female from here, but the advice applies to any gender).

Why do you want your woman to watch porn with you in the first place? Hopefully it’s so that she’ll get really turned on and want to fuck you silly. So the key is to figure out what’ll turn her on. One way to find out is to ask, but I fully realize that that’s kind of direct and may not yield any useful information. Here are some guidelines that may help if she’s not 100% comfortable spelling out the kind of videos she wants to watch yet.


Accentuate the Positives

  • Make sure that she knows that you want her to watch porn with you because it’s something that you think will bring you closer together. You might think that goes without saying, but trust me on this one.

    A corollary to this is to pay attention to her while you’re watching. Make sure she realizes that while the movie might be turning you on, she’s the one you’re focused on and ultimately attracted to.
  • When first being introduced to porn, the actors and actresses you view can be really key to your overall impression of the experience. There are a few ways you can go with this.

    One is to find actresses who look like your partner. Pay attention to hair color, breast size and weight. Another is to find actresses who you think your partner will be attracted to – you’ll have to base this on your own experiences or things she’s said about other women in the past. If neither of these sounds like it’ll fit your situation, you may want to consult my recommendation list at the bottom for explicit performer suggestions.
  • While you can and should suggest things you think she’ll like, you can never be 100% sure how she’ll react to any particular scenario. This is why she must be in charge of the remote/mouse. A scene might be 90% hot, but tiny things can be huge turn-offs and she should be able to fast forward through (or rewind and re-watch) anything that jumps out at her.

Before I get to specific viewing recommendtions, there are a couple of pitfalls you’ll want to watch out for when embarking on this journey with your significant other.

Avoid the Negatives

  • There are certain genres and scenarios that you probably want to avoid when introducing someone to the wild, wonderful world of pornography. Generally speaking, this includes anything that will be totally foreign to her concept of sex (for example, lots of gaping, gangbangs, DVDA, choking etc.). Finding your dad’s Playboys under the bed at 12 probably helped ease you into the world of porn – she might need a similarly soft introduction.
  • In addition to things that might actually freak her out or disturb her, you’ll want to avoid movies that will make her feel inferior or self-conscious. Many women assume that because you jerk off to a blonde with huge fake tits or a 19-year-old with a tongue ring, you actually want to cheat on her that woman. That’s probably not the case, but if she gets that impression, the mood will be ruined and you’ll have an unpleasant situation on your hands.

A Few Recommendations
As I mentioned, sometimes the best way to pick a video is to just ask your partner what she might want to watch. A lot of times, she will either be too inexperienced or too self-conscious to make a suggestion.

The absolute best way to pick movies for someone who isn’t sure what they like is by star. You can try based on theme/category, but in the end, stars are far more predictable and if your partner likes a girl, you’ll usually have a variety of decent videos starring that girl to choose from.

Generally speaking, you want a star who consistently seems like she is having a great time during sex. Her demeanor should be natural, engaged and very horny. Ideally, she’s pretty, but not in a porn-y way. Here are a few stars I suggest:

Nina Hartley – Perhaps the perfect introductory porn star, Nina is smart, sexy and a serious class act. She knows what she wants and how to please her partners. Not to mention that she is a sex educator through and through who loves to help improve peoples’ sex lives.

Cytherea – She’s cute, all-natural and always seems to be getting off. Bonus points if your girl’s a squirter. Try her in:

Sunny Lane – Insanely cute, fun-loving and a little bit wild, Sunny Lane always seems to be enjoying herself and that’s really key to the viewing experience. She does enjoy a little of the rough stuff, but her attitude is so positive about it that it might even inspire some personal exploration.

Gianna Michaels – If you’re looking for videos of a woman who’s truly enjoying herself, look no further than Gianna. Add hugemongous natural boobs (no one is immune to them), a sly smile and a penchant for taking control of the action and you’ve got a porn star that women can not only appreciate, but aspire to emulate.

Some Parting Words
Of course, sometimes these things can get awkward. If it’s just not working out, turn the movie off and let her know it’s no big deal if she’s not really in the mood for that kind of thing right now – you can have fun without porn too.

Many VideoBox members are already sharing their accounts with their significant others and probably have even more advice to share. I’d love to hear more recommendations from other folks who’ve successfully shared their love of porn with their partners. Please share your wisdom in the comments!

Share and Enjoy: These icons link to social bookmarking sites where readers can share and discover new web pages.
  • Facebook
  • Google
  • bodytext
  • Reddit
  • del.icio.us
  • StumbleUpon
  • TwitThis

11 Responses to “Alison’s Guide to Bringing Porn Into Your Relationship”

  1. woaihonggg Says:

    Great topic and advice, Alison! Wife keeps bringing up watching porn together, but haven’t figured out time/selection. Thanks for the recommendations.

  2. ropeadope Says:

    While I’m not presently in a position to institute the advice contained herein, I just had to comment at what a wonderful article this is. Comprehensive and complete with performer and scene specific recommendations. Almost makes me want to take my lazy butt out of the apartment and find somebody. Almost. I do hope we receive feedback from members who were on the cusp of introducing their significant other to adult content, and have utilized this column to take the final step in that journey. Thank you Alison for the excellent post.

  3. HotScooter2 Says:

    Alison:

    good coverage of a very sensitive subject. you fully admit the complexity of figuring out the right formula for any given woman. what gets you off might be totally boring or offensive to other women.
    In the south it is a little different in that the few women open enough to ever watch porn,would probably leave it up to the man what to watch or not watch. But what is tough in this situation is that the man better be right or he will have hell to pay. down here it is a situation where the man supposedly makes the decisions,but on the other hand goes by the adage of “if mama’s not happy,nobody’s happy”
    so in reality the woman rules the roost. and southern belles are as sly as they are beautiful. but they are the best and i would not have it any other way

  4. anonymous Says:

    One recommendation is to provide your partner with your access info to your account and the opportunity to watch porn on her own. She is more likely to watch what she actually prefers when alone. If you’re with her she is apt to be self-conscious and embarrassed. You’re presence would certainly tend to tone down the wilder side of her interests. Then you would simply check the history on your account to see what she has watched when she isn’t present.

  5. Scrapper Says:

    Alison, I REALLY wish I had this a few years ago. When I tried it (though successful in the end) it took quite a bit of time to get my wife to enjoy watching ANY porn. One big mistake guys: never, and I mean NEVER fall for when the woman/partner says that she wants to watch whatever you watch. I had to explain the nuances of signals during a scene that made it too rough on the girl. Very embaressing when she realized I knew too much about porn…

    @anonymous: I would almost say bad idea. If she has access to your account and sees what you watch, she may end up being disscouraged or even jelous. Maybe after showing her what you like and after the break in period but not really before.

    @ropadope: Hey, I know the feeling of wanting to get out there bro.

    @HotScooter2: We have that up North too. Maybe our women are a little more vocal about it and where I’m from it: “Don’t p*ss or mommy or else”! LOL

  6. anon Says:

    Some past experience watching porn with my ex:

    I know from all the comments that majority of the VB subscribers do not enjoy the euro porn. Personally I’m a big fan of the euro porn and I have a collection of DVD from Private from the days before I discovered VB. Back when I was with my ex she was asking me about porn (you know how women likes to ask if we watch) so after some initial reluctance, I showed her some of my DVDs. She picked out something and we watched and had a blast.

    Here is the thing: what turns guys on are different from what turns girl on. Before I showed her my DVDs all she know about porn are the crappy stuff you see online: low production value, rough, degrading, etc. This may turn on guys since we are pretty easy to please, but not so much for women. When I showed my ex those Private movies she was surprised by the production value. The fancy set, the costumes, the ridiculously gorgeous porn stars that actually looks like, well, stars (instead of a nasty drugged out cumbucket). She realized that hey, not all pornography are degrading or disgusting. What is even better is that she realized that her boyfriend isn’t a totally creep watching some shadyass porn and gets off on really crazy porn. I specifically remember that I forgot that there was a DP scene in the DVD she picked, and when we got to that part i kinda cringed, afraid she might think it was too freaky. Yet her reaction was “wow! you can do that?” in amazement. I am willing to bet that if the first time she was exposed to a DP scene was in some shady looking gangbang video she may have a different reaction. For what its worth my ex was a fairly shy and reserved Asian chick, and she watched porn a few times with me after.

    So I would recommend, like Alison said, start her off with something soft. Find a “normal” porn that is just one on one, maybe even start X before you move on to XXX. You do NOT want her first video to be Audrey Hollander’s spreading her gaping asshole you can see her tonsils while Otto and the gang is running a train on her.

  7. Rob Smith Says:

    Just do what I did, when your wife is handcuffed to the bed, just throw a porn on the TV, it is not like she can escape. If she doesn’t watch it just slap her in the face until she does, or blacks out.

  8. alison Says:

    woaihonggg – No problemo. That’s what I’m here for :)

    ropeadope – Thanks. I hope the info comes in handy soon! And that you’ll post details ;)

    HotScooter2 – Funny how that works, isn’t it? Out here, we generally don’t put on the facade of the man being in charge ;) But then again, I’m all for equal partnerships, so in my house, if Mama *or* Papa ain’t happy, nobody’s happy. Thankfully, there’s really not much to be unhappy about.

    anonymous – I certainly think for folks with shy partners, that might be a good idea. Thankfully, if you have anything in your history that might worry her, you can always erase it.

    Scrapper – When I read, “never, and I mean NEVER fall for when the woman/partner says that she wants to watch whatever you watch” I groaned. You are 100% right. I wouldn’t call it a trap per say, but the significant other involved may not realize what they’re really asking for until after the weird/hurt feelings occur. Glad to hear it worked out for you in the end, though.

    anon – I couldn’t agree more with everything you said. Private makes some really good stuff that gets pretty hardcore, but generally has the backdrop of a beautiful white sand beach, or the characters are dressed in period costumes, etc. Which make them more palatable, I think.

    Rob Smith – You know, I think you can probably get away with just duct taping her eyelids open. That way you don’t have to expend all that energy on slapping…

  9. cj Says:

    thanks, alison! this is super helpful. i plan to introduce my girlfriend to the wonderful world of adult entertainment very soon. keep your fingers crossed for me, will you?

  10. Webby28 Says:

    Nice job on a really interesting topic, Alison.

    I’ve had a couple different experiences with this. I was with a pretty conservative girl once who at one point expressed an interest in watching porn, but she really didn’t get turned on by it. It turned her on to be with me and for us to get turned on together, but she’d quickly lose interest in the porn and so would I. The porn didn’t do anything for her, and it quickly became one of those things we tried and ditched because it didn’t work for us together. It surprised me that she was even interested to try, but not surprised that she ended up disinterested in it.

    Another girl I was with was a lot less inhibited and she wanted to like porn, but again, she just didn’t. There were three or four times when she’d suggest that we watch some porn together, and every time we were unable to find anything that turned her on. She always said she felt like it wasn’t genuine enough. I remember her saying she wanted to see people having sex the way she and I had sex, which was energetic and fun. If she and I had made some homemade porn, the thing I think most people would have observed about it is that we were into each other. It would have been one of those scenes with chemistry between the performers. It’s rare to see that, and that’s what she was looking for, but it proved very elusive. The one thing that really bothered her was that so many of the girls were so young. She was 28 at the time, and she found it tough watching 19-year-old girls. But mostly it was the lack of chemistry between performers that bugged her.

  11. Scrapper Says:

    Webby: I would say that the first girl may have just been a case of not being into porn. Hey, this stuff isn’t for everybody. When something’s new it’s always exciting but when people realize they really don’t like it they’ll drop it really quick. As far as the second girl, it sounds like a case of high expectations being dashed. I know that my ex always loved the idea of porn but didn’t like the Gonzo style at all, rather enjoying the Features. And yes it is very hard to explain to your partner why you may like watching an 18/19 year old girl on screen. Sometimes you can find the middle ground but just like politics, each person has their own ideas on what makes a good scene or worthwhile watching. Hope that contributed some.