Comments on: Alison’s Guide to Bringing Porn Into Your Relationship

By: Scrapper

Scrapper — Fri, 09 Jul 2010 22:10:16 +0000

Webby: I would say that the first girl may have just been a case of not being into porn. Hey, this stuff isn’t for everybody. When something’s new it’s always exciting but when people realize they really don’t like it they’ll drop it really quick. As far as the second girl, it sounds like a case of high expectations being dashed. I know that my ex always loved the idea of porn but didn’t like the Gonzo style at all, rather enjoying the Features. And yes it is very hard to explain to your partner why you may like watching an 18/19 year old girl on screen. Sometimes you can find the middle ground but just like politics, each person has their own ideas on what makes a good scene or worthwhile watching. Hope that contributed some.

By: Webby28

Webby28 — Thu, 08 Jul 2010 21:24:46 +0000

Nice job on a really interesting topic, Alison.

I’ve had a couple different experiences with this. I was with a pretty conservative girl once who at one point expressed an interest in watching porn, but she really didn’t get turned on by it. It turned her on to be with me and for us to get turned on together, but she’d quickly lose interest in the porn and so would I. The porn didn’t do anything for her, and it quickly became one of those things we tried and ditched because it didn’t work for us together. It surprised me that she was even interested to try, but not surprised that she ended up disinterested in it.

Another girl I was with was a lot less inhibited and she wanted to like porn, but again, she just didn’t. There were three or four times when she’d suggest that we watch some porn together, and every time we were unable to find anything that turned her on. She always said she felt like it wasn’t genuine enough. I remember her saying she wanted to see people having sex the way she and I had sex, which was energetic and fun. If she and I had made some homemade porn, the thing I think most people would have observed about it is that we were into each other. It would have been one of those scenes with chemistry between the performers. It’s rare to see that, and that’s what she was looking for, but it proved very elusive. The one thing that really bothered her was that so many of the girls were so young. She was 28 at the time, and she found it tough watching 19-year-old girls. But mostly it was the lack of chemistry between performers that bugged her.

By: cj

cj — Wed, 07 Jul 2010 18:31:41 +0000

thanks, alison! this is super helpful. i plan to introduce my girlfriend to the wonderful world of adult entertainment very soon. keep your fingers crossed for me, will you?

By: alison

alison — Tue, 06 Jul 2010 16:34:48 +0000

woaihonggg – No problemo. That’s what I’m here for

ropeadope – Thanks. I hope the info comes in handy soon! And that you’ll post details

HotScooter2 – Funny how that works, isn’t it? Out here, we generally don’t put on the facade of the man being in charge But then again, I’m all for equal partnerships, so in my house, if Mama *or* Papa ain’t happy, nobody’s happy. Thankfully, there’s really not much to be unhappy about.

anonymous – I certainly think for folks with shy partners, that might be a good idea. Thankfully, if you have anything in your history that might worry her, you can always erase it.

Scrapper – When I read, “never, and I mean NEVER fall for when the woman/partner says that she wants to watch whatever you watch” I groaned. You are 100% right. I wouldn’t call it a trap per say, but the significant other involved may not realize what they’re really asking for until after the weird/hurt feelings occur. Glad to hear it worked out for you in the end, though.

anon – I couldn’t agree more with everything you said. Private makes some really good stuff that gets pretty hardcore, but generally has the backdrop of a beautiful white sand beach, or the characters are dressed in period costumes, etc. Which make them more palatable, I think.

Rob Smith – You know, I think you can probably get away with just duct taping her eyelids open. That way you don’t have to expend all that energy on slapping…

By: Rob Smith

Rob Smith — Tue, 06 Jul 2010 02:34:56 +0000

Just do what I did, when your wife is handcuffed to the bed, just throw a porn on the TV, it is not like she can escape. If she doesn’t watch it just slap her in the face until she does, or blacks out.

By: anon

anon — Mon, 05 Jul 2010 18:54:34 +0000

Some past experience watching porn with my ex:

I know from all the comments that majority of the VB subscribers do not enjoy the euro porn. Personally I’m a big fan of the euro porn and I have a collection of DVD from Private from the days before I discovered VB. Back when I was with my ex she was asking me about porn (you know how women likes to ask if we watch) so after some initial reluctance, I showed her some of my DVDs. She picked out something and we watched and had a blast.

Here is the thing: what turns guys on are different from what turns girl on. Before I showed her my DVDs all she know about porn are the crappy stuff you see online: low production value, rough, degrading, etc. This may turn on guys since we are pretty easy to please, but not so much for women. When I showed my ex those Private movies she was surprised by the production value. The fancy set, the costumes, the ridiculously gorgeous porn stars that actually looks like, well, stars (instead of a nasty drugged out cumbucket). She realized that hey, not all pornography are degrading or disgusting. What is even better is that she realized that her boyfriend isn’t a totally creep watching some shadyass porn and gets off on really crazy porn. I specifically remember that I forgot that there was a DP scene in the DVD she picked, and when we got to that part i kinda cringed, afraid she might think it was too freaky. Yet her reaction was “wow! you can do that?” in amazement. I am willing to bet that if the first time she was exposed to a DP scene was in some shady looking gangbang video she may have a different reaction. For what its worth my ex was a fairly shy and reserved Asian chick, and she watched porn a few times with me after.

So I would recommend, like Alison said, start her off with something soft. Find a “normal” porn that is just one on one, maybe even start X before you move on to XXX. You do NOT want her first video to be Audrey Hollander’s spreading her gaping asshole you can see her tonsils while Otto and the gang is running a train on her.

By: Scrapper

Scrapper — Mon, 05 Jul 2010 05:38:51 +0000

Alison, I REALLY wish I had this a few years ago. When I tried it (though successful in the end) it took quite a bit of time to get my wife to enjoy watching ANY porn. One big mistake guys: never, and I mean NEVER fall for when the woman/partner says that she wants to watch whatever you watch. I had to explain the nuances of signals during a scene that made it too rough on the girl. Very embaressing when she realized I knew too much about porn…

@anonymous: I would almost say bad idea. If she has access to your account and sees what you watch, she may end up being disscouraged or even jelous. Maybe after showing her what you like and after the break in period but not really before.

@ropadope: Hey, I know the feeling of wanting to get out there bro.

@HotScooter2: We have that up North too. Maybe our women are a little more vocal about it and where I’m from it: “Don’t p*ss or mommy or else”! LOL

By: anonymous

anonymous — Mon, 05 Jul 2010 01:56:37 +0000

One recommendation is to provide your partner with your access info to your account and the opportunity to watch porn on her own. She is more likely to watch what she actually prefers when alone. If you’re with her she is apt to be self-conscious and embarrassed. You’re presence would certainly tend to tone down the wilder side of her interests. Then you would simply check the history on your account to see what she has watched when she isn’t present.

By: HotScooter2

HotScooter2 — Mon, 05 Jul 2010 01:16:45 +0000

Alison:

good coverage of a very sensitive subject. you fully admit the complexity of figuring out the right formula for any given woman. what gets you off might be totally boring or offensive to other women.
In the south it is a little different in that the few women open enough to ever watch porn,would probably leave it up to the man what to watch or not watch. But what is tough in this situation is that the man better be right or he will have hell to pay. down here it is a situation where the man supposedly makes the decisions,but on the other hand goes by the adage of “if mama’s not happy,nobody’s happy”
so in reality the woman rules the roost. and southern belles are as sly as they are beautiful. but they are the best and i would not have it any other way

By: ropeadope

ropeadope — Sun, 04 Jul 2010 22:08:11 +0000

While I’m not presently in a position to institute the advice contained herein, I just had to comment at what a wonderful article this is. Comprehensive and complete with performer and scene specific recommendations. Almost makes me want to take my lazy butt out of the apartment and find somebody. Almost. I do hope we receive feedback from members who were on the cusp of introducing their significant other to adult content, and have utilized this column to take the final step in that journey. Thank you Alison for the excellent post.