Author Archive

All Good Things Must Come to an End

After almost 3 years at the helm of the VideoBox Blog, I’ve decided to step down to pursue an exciting job opportunity at Kink.com.

The decision whether or not to continue writing the blog was a very difficult one for me, but in the end, the choice came down to one thing – quality. Writing a blog post, depending on how long/complicated it is, can take anywhere from a few hours to more than a day. It’s clear to me that I can’t give Kink my best work and have time to deliver consistent quality to the VB blog. Trying to do both would just make all parties unhappy.

When I first started the VideoBox Blog, I was incredibly nervous. With no idea of what to expect, I worried, “What are our members really like? Will I be able to write things that will interest them? Will they be nice to me?” To be honest, nothing prepared me for how positive this entire experience would turn out to be. To some degree, it was gratifying to write about a topic I enjoy, but the main reason I ended up loving the blog so much was the readers.

I am incredibly lucky to have had the opportunity to write for such interesting, funny, and (to my great relief) kind people. Thank you to everyone who has ever read this blog – especially those who’ve shared stories and opinions, asked questions, or even tried to get customer service help from the comments section. Especially my friend ropeadope, who I know will continue to do his usual amazing job with the blog after I’m gone.

I’m getting all verklempt, so I’ll just end by saying that this is farewell – not goodbye. I have a good feeling that you’ll see me here again. (In the meantime, feel free to come say hi on my personal blog.)

Alison’s Guide to Bringing Porn Into Your Relationship

Are you in a relationship? Do you wish you could share your VB membership with your significant other, but aren’t sure how to introduce it? Porn, by its nature, is a pretty charged subject. In a relationship, it can be a minefield – but it can also be a great way to bond with your partner and take your sexual relationship to a new level. In this post, I’ll give you a few pointers for avoiding the mines and maybe even discovering a new way to connect with your partner (who I’ll be referring to as a female from here, but the advice applies to any gender).

Why do you want your woman to watch porn with you in the first place? Hopefully it’s so that she’ll get really turned on and want to fuck you silly. So the key is to figure out what’ll turn her on. One way to find out is to ask, but I fully realize that that’s kind of direct and may not yield any useful information. Here are some guidelines that may help if she’s not 100% comfortable spelling out the kind of videos she wants to watch yet.

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The 25 Question Porn Purity Test

Have you ever taken a purity test? With an average of 100 or more questions mainly focused on things like touching a boob or taking a shower with a member of the opposite sex, purity tests tend to appeal to a younger demographic.

For fun, I put together a purity test for the porn fan. Check the box next to every question you can answer “yes” to. As it’s actually a poll, it won’t score for you, but it will show you where you stack up against other VideoBox members. Count the number of “yes” answers and check your number against the scores after the jump. Don’t forget to share your score in the comments!

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[poll=64]
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Cute Girls in Soccer Socks

It’s World Cup time and you know what that means…soccer-themed porn! Unfortunately, I felt like this morning’s Soccer Girls didn’t quite satisfy the need to watch girls wearing soccer socks get nailed.

All is not lost, however. Below are scenes featuring footballing cuties getting a workout. Now you have something to do at halftime.

Six In Me, Scene 2

Goalie Jayna Oso is the soccer coach’s daughter. She’s approached by a group of gentlemen whom she initially expresses disinterest in, but they convince her to play “strip soccer.” And have gang bang.
Mamacitas #4, Scene 2
Mean old Mr. Pete stole Sativa Rose’s soccer ball. How’s she going to get it back? By screwing him in the bathroom, of course!
Teen Idol #7, Scene 4
Victoria White has a private soccer practice session with her coach, during which she runs some little drills and shows off her high school soccer experience. After practice, she and the coach get busy in the locker room.

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Best of the Worst Titles Redux

In December ’09, I did a post about the best of the best awful porn titles on VideoBox. Since that time, Porn Valley has continued its fine naming tradition and we’ve continued to post movies with ridiculous titles – some funny, some gross, a few nonsensical.

Here are a few of my favorites from the last 5 months or so.

Hog Humpers
BBW videos always get stuck with the absolute worst titles. The most epic of all time is, of course, Fuck My Gut Butt. Which is probably not offensive if you have a gut butt? I’m not sure. But I will say that Hog Humpers leans a little more toward the mean side.

My suggestions for new, kindlier BBW titles: Rubenesque Romps, Zaftig Encounters and Full-Figured Fucks.
Relax, He’s My Step Dad
I will not relax, thank you. This is creepy as hell. And the pruny, bespectacled gentleman pulling down Gracie Glam’s shirt on the cover is skin-crawl inducing.

On a vaguely related note, someday Joey Silvera’s going to make a movie called Tranny Step MILFs. And when that day comes, you can congratulate me because that was my title. I gave him full permission to use it because I know it’s gonna be a huge hit.

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The Porn Star Cameo Quiz

Sure, we all know Jenna Jameson was in Private Parts and half of porn valley showed up in Orgazmo, but do you really know your porn star cameos?

Take my quiz and find out. I chose 15 movies made between 1984 and 2008 that featured prominent (and sometimes not so prominent) porn stars. Just match the star to the movie.

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How’d you do? Share in the comments!

10 Girls with Great Six Packs on VideoBox

Most porn stars have great lean bodies, but there are a few you can tell have really put in the hours with the Ab Roller to get their beautiful, muscular physiques. Below are ten videos that showcase some of the best well-toned abs on VideoBox. Please go ahead and share your favorite washboard-stomached stars in the comments!

Marie Luv


Vanessa Lane


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English Porn Stars on VideoBox

I really love English porn stars. They’re often great dirty talkers – maybe it’s the accent – which can seriously turn up the heat in a scene. Here’s a list of all of the English gals you can find on VideoBox.

All images courtesy of our good friends at the Internet Adult Film Database. If I missed any, let me know in the comments!

mckenzielee isabelice roxannehall
McKenzie Lee Isabel Ice Roxanne Hall
roxyjezel nikkijayne flickshagwell
Roxy Jezel Nikki Jayne Flick Shagwell
hollywellin laylajade roxyrare
Holly Wellin Layla Jade Roxy Rare

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Remove Stars, Add Descriptions and Edit Info on Clips

I don’t think the VideoBox engineering team never sleeps. Have you checked out these features they’ve rolled out recently?

Remove Stars from a Clip
Have you ever had a clip that says it stars two girls, but only one of them is really part of the action? Now you can remove the absent star. In this example, I made a clip of Ava Devine finishing a gentleman. Gia Paloma wasn’t really helping out, so I removed her:

stars
click to enlarge

Edit Info and Add Descriptions
You may have noticed a small link on your clips player that says Edit Clip Details:

1 edit link

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The Dirty Words That Make Your Comments Disappear

comments
Comedian George Carlin did a now-infamous bit in 1972 called Seven Words You Can Never Say on Television where he used all of the words that Federal Communications Commission (FCC) decided that you can’t say on TV (shit, piss, fuck, cunt, cocksucker, motherfucker and tits if you’re not familiar).

Sort of like the FCC, adult payment processors have a “blacklist” of words that can’t be used on a site that accepts their payment methods. Consequently, you can’t use any of them in a comments, descriptions or clip names on the site. If you try to post one in a comment, the comment will simply disappear.

The list is mainly made up of terms having with ladies who are not of legal age engaging in sexual activity, but there are some that may surprise you – and explain why your comments disappear for no apparent reason.

Pissed – Yes, pissed is the past-tense of piss and piss can mean pee, but it’s still not clear to me why pee is even that bad. Regardless, if you say something like “I’m so pissed that Daisy Marie got those hideous bolt-ons!” your comment will vanish into the ether.

Brother/Sister/Father/Mother/Son/Daughter – I realize that this is probably targeted at incest, but c’mon. They’re not even consistent! You can say mom or dad, but not mother or father? An example of a comment that would trigger this rule might be “Can you believe Jewel De’Nyle’s mother got into porn? She’s a swamp hag.”

Asleep/Sleeping/Sleep – I guess using these words in a porn context can be rapey, but it seems a bit over the top to me. The result, in any case, is that an innocent sentence like this wouldn’t make the cut: “Shucks, I’d sure like to sleep with Jenna Haze.”

Alcohol/Drunk – This is another one that can be rapey in the wrong context but doesn’t really accomplish much. You can talk about wanting to ply a young lady with beer or wine in order to force her to have sex with you (none of those words are on the list), but you can’t say something like “You would have to be drunk to think that Chasey Lain looks even semi-fuckable these days.”

I hope this list will help guide you when writing comments or describing clips. If your posts continue to disappear even though you’re not using words on this list or talking about raping kids, my advice to you is to quit using racial slurs or talking about “kotoran,” which is a term you should not Google. Ever.